You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
