Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
