ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize