I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
