and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this boner is exhausting
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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