mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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