Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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