Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
