Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
