No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
