I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
