I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
