I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
