So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
