The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
