Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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