I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why do cheetos always look like penises
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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