Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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