I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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