I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize