party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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