C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You work out of a Hotel?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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