Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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