Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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