Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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