Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
