ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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