Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
