You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
