I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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