I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
