You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
