Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
