Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
