i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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