dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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