it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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