Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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