Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
