All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
