Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
