Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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