she was so not down for the gang bang
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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