the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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