So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
