I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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