I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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