I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
