took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
