your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
