I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
