Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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