Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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