She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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