They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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