and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
should my penis look like a turkey
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
