I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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