i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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