I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
