I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
