I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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