I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
