yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my sisters under your porch take her home
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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