I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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