Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
