yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
